Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
