I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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