Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize