Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
