I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize