i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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