What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
