I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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