My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize