I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
