the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
