Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
