yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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