Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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