He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
