***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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