when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
