I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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