Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize