You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
