I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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