ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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