Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
