I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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