I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
