Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
