Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
