i think i have two assholes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
