so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
A bitchslap is in order.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize