I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
