How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
