there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
