haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
