Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
