I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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