saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
