the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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