I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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