one two three fourrrrnication!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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