this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
