you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
