He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
