I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you had me at cake vodka
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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