not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
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