we made out on top of his cat.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
