you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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