I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
