i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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