shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
