things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
