Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
is that a dick in a sweater?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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