My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize