I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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