It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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