dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Soap is not a condiment
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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