I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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