So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
