Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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