She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
