fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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