Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
