Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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