True but thats because hes a fetus.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
