I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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