I wish I could teleport
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize