are you still at the devil's house?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
