Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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