Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
