What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
