do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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