My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
