You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
