dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
