doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
