I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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