I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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