You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
