i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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