I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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