Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
