Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
