Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
