I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
